Artist
PC: Chris Pedersen
Happy Sunday!!!!
I hope your weekends have been enjoyable, or productive, or just full of whatever makes you happy!!
I have been updating my web site for the new year, and got to looking back at my blog that I have abandoned since last fall. I had a moment to reflect on what I had shared over the last 3 years. I had been consistently writing and sharing, and came to realize that I have reached a point where I really miss it! I really enjoy writing my thoughts down about what I’m shooting, deciding on the shots that really speak to me enough to share with my audience (thank mom for always being there lol ;), and being able to have a nicely organized virtual memory book so to speak, of where I have been!
I have been busy! I have been busy growing, learning, practicing, failing, learning some more and growing some more! I couldn’t be happier with the process, even the failure parts! Trying new things can be scary, and it can be exciting! I have been ready for a long time to try something new. I absolutely LOVE what I currently do with my photography career, but it’s time to branch out! I’ve been doing this photography thing for a minute, and to keep my vision growing, I have to be willing to get uncomfortable.
Enter, my return to film photography. I learned photography on film, some years ago. I shot a used, hand - me - down camera, even when I first started my portrait business. I shot with film for years, and was the last of my direct peer group to convert to digital, I vividly remember this. I did eventually make the switch and enjoyed the convenience, the opportunities that it gave me and the ability to do things not possible on film. This is all GREAT news and highly valued!!
A couple of years ago, I remember it was actually 2017, I actually started missing what I saw in film, and even though you can edit digital photos to LOOK like film, it’s not the same, ask any film shooter. It slowly but surely made its way back into my bag of tricks. I wanted to set myself apart. I became frustrated with the idea that anyone can pick up a photographic tool, even a cell phone, and take an aesthetically very beautiful photo! I got sucked into the Instagram comparison BS where anyone of influence (or not) could start an account and all of a sudden have millions of followers and appreciation from their “fans”, for providing pretty pictures of popular places. As much as it bothered me, I do see this as a really amazing part of technology, one that really has a huge benefit for so many people. Even with all the goodness that comes with it, it pushed ME as a creative, over the edge, in a not so good way. Chris and I were discussing this one night and he hit the nail on the head when he said my frustration probably stemmed from the fact that I had “put in the time”. I HAD put in the time, the failed photo shoots that I had, where I had to tuck my tail between my legs and make things right (which by the way, was never an issue in the least as I have probably the most amazing clients EVER who never made me feel inadequate). I am self taught, before the internet was available as a resource, and getting better and learning was ALL about trial - error - repeat. I am grateful for this in hind sight! It became clear that what I really needed to do, was switch my OWN mindset from looking at others, to looking back within myself.
So enough of my sob story….things boiled down to the fact that I needed to ignore all of that, and focus on my own art and craft and really think about why I shoot. Why do I pick up a camera as a means of expression? What drives me to keep going? What do I want / need from this?
I was able to fully immerse myself back into the world I knew before, and low and behold, started learning a LOT about myself, my vision, and what I was doing wrong (only in my mind and for myself). I spent a couple of years shooting more and more film, learning new formats, struggling, learning, and finding the spark that was starting to burn out. I felt like I was home.
To wrap up this and get onto some of my current progression of work, I am pleased to have had this artist’s melt, down and to have felt like a total failure, to push me to finding my way and never giving up. I enjoy my portrait business probably even more, have added some art shows and gallery exhibits to my portfolio, as well as some very satisfying and fulfilling commercial projects. In addition to the stuff that pays the bills, I have grown leaps and bounds in my understanding of my own art, process, vision and expanded my book of personal projects that I find so much joy and fulfillment from it’s ridiculous, in a great way!!
I titled the blog “Artist”, because I realized that I’m excited about where I am after a few years of stepping back inwardly, and I can confidently say that I feel a broader term would suit me better at this point. I am an artist. I use photography as a means of expression, and am a photographer, but in the end, I am an artist, and an it runs thick in my veins. I’ll never stop learning. I’ll never stop trying to be better. I’ll not stop that urge to create. It is my breath.
I hope you enjoy seeing some of my more recent favorites, all personal work, all shared in this post will be film based.
I do love what the different tools of photography can do, so my took kit consists of my beloved digitals with their crispy sharp lenses, as well as my plethora of old film cameras and films that help me convey the message I want to convey, through imperfection and inconsistencies. It’s all there for me to perfectly place the right tool in the right situation, and create!
If you have been a reader of my blog, I am glad that you are here and appreciate you taking the time to read what I have to say, and see what I have to share. I am always open for communication, in the form of questions, conversations or even constructive criticism. Just reach out!
I am not holding myself to any set schedule for posting, but I am going to keep this going after my past hiatus. I enjoy it and hope you do too!!
Until next time… <3